Thursday, October 17

cheating and watching:

creating and watching:
(give me just a second)
i love all the time we've spent trying to make something of an emotion that we all have
we all have it but when we can't be normal like the rest
we need these problems to
se[e]-[t] us apart.
set me a   p         a                  r                                       t. please!!!!!!
the feeling a
the turmoil--theyre inside and if icouldbut touch the rim the edge the fringe the BORDER of the brink!!--..
was never so sweet
as when i was
Dragging my feet and Hitting myself.
when i was
breathing in
and out
Where it may fog up and sweeten me,
Like it's all I ever needed for my.

(give me just a minute)
and then when i'm breathing out,
it embeds itself into the rest of the fabric of
"it all."


Wednesday, October 9


He says it could have been something i said
or did
or didn't do
that drove [them] out of my life.

i'm getting really hot so i turn away and swallow this little white pill that i have.

"you're being rude. I'm trying to help you," he says.

i know that and press my palms into my eyes until they ache.

i ache.

my eyes are dull and i don't know how to be happy anymore.

He sits down on the floor next to me and i think he might hold my hand, but he'll never do that.

"Let's go grab a drink."

i don't say anything.

"It'll help," he promises.

i know that too.

"I've never broken a promise to you." He says he's not like him [them]. "Give Me more credit."

i don't give him anything because the white pill is starting to work and i'm finally in a white place where he [they] can't come.


Wednesday, October 2


DAMNED be my folly!
and TO HELL with those expectations!

The other day, I turned the devil away
like a friend I didn't know how to take care of anymore
or an old lover that stopped taking care of me.
He got mean and I could feel it

In the arms of my parents--
In the arms of the most real love I've known--
I saw the meanest
and mostpathetic
thing look at me
into my eyes-----------------
in some darkness that I've made

it [he] looked at me
and left
--'''___without a fight_-"-- which
worries me
more than anything else.

I could be done with my roving.
With my rOving, wAndering, and wOndering
for noW.

I just need someone to cut me some slackkk k     k             k?