Wednesday, June 22

"Plankton: 1% evil, 99% hot gas." Shout-out... you know who you are.

Last night I was conversing with my dad about a lot of things. I don't know how, but we got into the subject of probability, and I was like those one dogs that lock their jaws and won't let go.

Ten years ago, I entered my name in a drawing at the parade of homes. When we came back, I waited by the phone (it sounds so cliche, but it's true) and waited for them to call me and tell me I was the winner. My mom found me.
I explained the whole situation to her, and, unfortunately, she explained it right back at me (in a caring, 'don't-want-to-break-it-to-her-but-have-to' manner.)

"There are probably thousands of names in that drawing," she told me. "You don't have a very high chance of being picked."
But I didn't understand. "I have the same chance as everyone else though."
"Yes, but somebody else is going to win most likely."
"What makes them so special? Aren't they thinking the same thing, that they have no chance? Why will they win?"
"Because somebody has to."
"Why can't it be me though??"
I was really frustrated.

To this day, I still can't comprehend probability. It's just one of those things, you know? Some people don't understand eternity, some people don't understand fate vs. free will... I don't understand first grade math.

Person A could put their name in the bowl 99 times, and Person B may only have one entry, but Person B could still get picked. It's not right.
I find it difficult to communicate my frustration. My dad explained it very well, and I'm happy enough with what he told me.

Out of 100 students (nice number, huh?) in my geography class, the teacher took MY name out of the pile of index cards to get spotlighted.

Thanks to dad, I was able to look past my frustrations concerning probability and appreciate the irony.


Tuesday, June 14

Most Dangerous Hybrids

The Rhinocosquirell:
Rhinoceros + Squirrel
Lives in your backyard, most likely.
Super fast.
Really mean.
Leaves scratch marks from it's horn on just about everything.
If this is a problem, go ahead and use that spray stuff that is supposed to keep cats from scratching the furniture because we all know it doesn't work on the cats.
Do Not Feed This Animal

The Kangalion
Kangaroo + Lion
Fortunately, only lives in some obscure jungle in Africa.
Extremely smart
Very resourceful.
Is both a carnivorous and... that other word for animals that eat plants.
If you happen to take a trip yonder sometime, bring a camera, as this animal won't charge if there's a great picture opportunity... I mean, look at that pose.
Do Not Feed This Animal

The Great White Seagull
Lives near all water sources and trashy areas.
Very uncoordinated.
Extremely stupid.
Generally very creepy looking, especially when it's flying.
Though this isn't the brightest of the hybrids I'm highlighting today, It will be set off into a frenzy if it can smell either blood or day old bagels near-by. Go ahead and kick it if it gets too close for comfort.
Do Not Feed This Animal

The Spork
Spoon + Fork
Lives in school cafeterias and silverware/napkin packets at company picnics.
Not sharp at all.
Really flimsy.
Generally, this isn't going to help you accomplish anything, e.g. EATING. Really, the cantaloupe chunks just slip right off. No defense against this hybrid unless you don't mind eating with your hands.
Will Not Feed The Animal. (Sorry.)


P.S. ... it's a very weird morning.