Now imagine kicking the clock.

An image passes through my mind: taking the big clock above the hearth, and flinging it across the horse pasture in my backyard. It gets even funnier when I imagine stepping on it and breaking the glass.

I'm in sweats, I probably smell, and my hair is tied in a really painful knot. In fact, I'm pretty uncomfortable all around. It's hot enough that I can feel my heartbeat in between my eyebrows, but I won't get up to turn the fire off. I should really reposition myself so my back stops aching. If I don't stop squinting at my computer, everything's going to be blurry for the rest of the day. I was watching Seinfeld, but the disc ended and the other discs are all the way over there. Oh yeah, and I should NOT have eaten that whole entire box of Panda Express.

Gee wiz, I'm a utter mess. A disgrace. No, disgrace sounds... too classy.

I'm gross.

I'm disgusting.

I've got three days to truly live it up until the new year gives me enough momentum to make it to April. Nay, TWO AND A HALF DAYS to be awful and eat nasty food and sleep in! That's not enough time!

You don't like how lazy you start getting this time of year. Or how lazy anyone else gets, for that matter. Because when the new year comes, it passes by exactly the same way that every other second in all of history has passed. It might be just as exciting as the night before your birthday at 11:59 when you want to stay up to see how it feels to be one year older, but feel no different once 12:00 comes... and no one's awake except for you either. The more practical and wise part of you begins to think that, if you're this excited for the new year because of how good you'll feel, why don't you just start being better now?

1. Set your alarm tomorrow to have enough time to go running in the morning.

2. Clean your car because it, like you, is disgusting.

3. Throw away that crap you were going to eat in the next two days, and also contact all the local pizza places to roundhouse kick your face if you set foot in their restaurant.

4. Start brushing your cat more often because he loves you for it.

5. Go up and make your bed. (I actually don't know why, kids, but I think it's good for you.)

6. Leave your haiku poems in the change thing in vending machines. Sure it doesn't make sense, but it'd be funny to watch.

7. Realize that your phone is how people contact you and stop resenting it.

8. Memorize the table of elements so you're not blind-sided watching jeopardy tonight.

9. GET UP, and take a freaking shower.

Yeah, stick it to the man, man!

"...and furthermore, I've never actually even made new years resolutions before let alone kept them," said the tortoise.

"You don't need a new year to start being a better person. You just need a new hour," explained the tortoise's creator and convinced the tortoise to stand up and find it's running shoes.

-rae

What is happening?

My hands are so cold. I notice they're tanner though... but no, that's purple. I know they aren't going to warm up until summer. Which I can't fantasize about coming any more quickly than usual because it hasn't even snowed yet. And tomorrow is Christmas Eve. My shoulders are really bitter. And maybe resentful, too. Dr. Mister couldn't realign them yesterday and told me that sleeping on my back will make me feel better. I've also had to stop chewing on my lip because for some weird reason, it gives me headaches. So the slight increase of comfort comes only at the cost of my quirks.

I can also hear my heartbeat. This isn't that annoying because, at the moment, my brother-in-law's guitar and my sister's stories from elementary school give me something else to focus on. But whenever I try to go to sleep, it's never in sync with the clock I set next to my ear. Wait. My sister just asked me to back her up about something and I have no idea what she's talking about. I'm not focusing that well. My ears have been buzzing for the past few months so I can barely notice that anymore. Shoot... until I do notice. The way that my grandma, mom, aunt, and sister tell stories is so similar.

Things are pretty messy. More cluttered, actually. Mom didn't get a tree as big as the one's she usually gets at Christmas, so none of the furniture is moved to accomodate. That means that the presents are essentially sprawled all over the surrounding floor and meld viciously with my sister's jewelry supplies. I see these necklaces and earrings and bracelets and wish that I were woman enough to wear them elegantly. These presents are wrapped so prettily, but I didn't wrap any of them.

I can't really accumulate enough information to write about the last two senses. Those are my least favorite of the five anyways. It may be because I haven't eaten much today and can't taste anything, and also, my nose is too stuffy to smell anything. Ha! Nevermind... Cat just jumped up next to me. His breath reeks.

Okay, one more. I taste.

I taste...

I taste raspberries.

I'm really not fond of raspberries.

"... so, I'm a burden," said the tortoise.

"Not true," said the tortoise's creator, and continued listening to the tortoise's concerns until the tortoise fell asleep.

-rae