The Secret Keeper

I was told a lot of secrets tonight.
And though
I'll make myself forget them by tomorrow,
I just have to find
                          enough
peace
of mind
to
fall asleep;

They are what keeps me up at night.
Those are my demons.

-rae

for Chris

The Last Play

How they say, "All's fair in love and war."
How they say, "If you love something, 
let it go."


How he said, "Stop playing tug of war between right and wrong. Take the rope and
drop it."


How I say, "This is the game. And if you're playing, so am I."

How I say, "I will 

turn it off."

How he thanks me.


How he once said, "Be a smart traveller. And come back to the glass cemetery where I will work forever."


How he once wrote, "
Remember me,
In moments of
Etherial
Delight.
"

How I promised.

And how...

-rae

porcelain and oak

I'm getting so frustrated with how obsessed we all are with what comes after this.
After "this"...

A zit flares up on my forehead and I see how my beauty will never last
and my mortality is shoved in my face whenever I cut my leg shaving.
        My phone screen shatters and I have an existential crisis.

But this morning, I came to the conclusion (that I hope will last) that
--just our luck--
that's what "this" is about. This "this" at least. This life.

I don't think we're supposed to get hung up on all the details of what happens 30 or 50
or, for some unlucky few,
1
year from now.
I think we're suppose to pay attention to how easily we get torn up and spit on and shrunken from how painful it is to be breathe and be alive sometimes.
And then notice how good it feels to touch things and love someone and use your feet to get from point A to point B.
Recognize all of that, and adjust your mood accordingly.
Who has time and thought to spare then?

It's a good day,
let myself be happy with what I have right now instead of trying to figure out how undeserving and fickle I might be.
How fragile.

And then, maybe [hopefully]
in the next life, we'll all be a little less breakable and human. We'll be resilient against wind and heartache and loneliness. emptiness--------
Resilient even to the hands of whoever we have to thank for making us this way.

Magnificent and tall and sturdy,
like trees.

        Wouldn't it be gorgeous if we were all trees?

-rae