Caatacomes

These tastes in my mouth. Very.             Quite.

Quick.

What I say I leave 

awful remnants--all awful tastes in my mouth 

and all awful feelings.         .

I am not mean not 

shallow

I would not believe I were selfish. Infact

fact

, , I'm this & that & accepting & compassionate and

                        careless 

so perhaps that could b---

perhaps That's The Problem.

o maybejustmaybe!!!just I forgot how it feels 

being b  b      b

                                                  l

                                                                u

                                                 

                    e.

-Miss Anthropy

Even for Odds

There's plenty to write.

      Consider....consider writing about
                 __what my throat feels like drinking ice water and then brushing my teeth
                 __my growing discomfort with my diminishing interest in school
                 __my recent obsession with crossword puzzles
                 __my eagerness to clean the house tomorrow
                 __feeling that I'm losing my grip on the last remnants of real!
               
                             the clock ticking and echoing in the room
                 __the clock in my room ticking the night on
                 __the clock just tick-tick-ticking away

                 --my heavy eyelids------       -----         ----           ---                  --                         -

-rae

Aftermath

When I'm this cold
My knees and my scars turn purple.
My face, white.

I see honeycomb veins across my stomach when I lift my shirt. I let the bottom of my computer warm the chilledsmooth [marble] skin.

Soon, my fingers will move more painfully.
I will move more deliberately,
The whole world will slow down, conserving energy.

I'm gonna eat as much as I can in the next week or so
and then I will hibernate, probably.

-rae

The Beckson

            I've started having dreams again. I believe this is because I keep a dream journal. The moment I wake up, I write down whatever remnants are left in my head--be they a description, a summary, a dialogue, etc. And I mean whatever is left in my head. It's not your quintessential dream journal, but everything I read hours later is surprisingly intelligible.

            ...more or less:

Utah has been deemed dandy. The second dandiest state in the nation. 

(First recorded)

______________________________

From sponges to cruises to concrete steadied flags. 

(First lucid dream. It was a virtual reality game. I played it over and over again and woke up exhausted.)

______________________________

I slowly took apart his art piece, aptly named, "What the hell is that thing."

______________________________

"Birth your baby into the arms that will cradle it for the rest of it's infant years! The Baby Holder! WARNING: RECALL."

______________________________

I love fruit. I always have. But there's no way I'm getting on that death trap. 

______________________________

If a dollar bill has 100 calories, will a 5 or 10 dollar bill have the same, or 5 or 10 times more?

______________________________

It was a wonder that a joy so young could produce such horror.

______________________________

I would not draw on a wall if it possessed at all the small perfections of it's genre.

______________________________

Granted, I'm never in a private place, but I can always manage to find some peace and quiet wherever I am. Damn it all... I hate minimun wage.

______________________________

The swearing ceased and we were finally able to get some sleep, curled in blankets that Justin made. As sure as those bones in the crawlspace were my father's, we saw that cemetery flash before our vision. This wasn't our home. This reality we've seemed to trap ourselves in was honing in on every nightmare we could imagine. If only my sister would answer the phone, I may be able to find a constant that would snap us out of it. I've never been so horrified in my life from the things I've seen tonight, and I just want my family back.

            

            That last one was from a few days ago. It's the longest snippet I have recorded and came from the most terrifying dream I've ever had. Hands down. I'd never be able to go to sleep if it weren't for the fact that the aforementioned Justin was a friendly mummy. That made afghans for us. For which he claimed my mother knowingly took credit.

            He made things a little whimsical.

-rae