clari[t][f]y

it's the middle of the night again
, but i think  'it's not so bad this time.
Being Awake.'

2:00am
               
                         alone

,          __'"" ____-         up[dreaming] about

travelling
   , warm nooks
, gourmet hot dogs
   , and the timing of it it all.

and for the first time
           in a long time
, i'm looking less forward to falling asleep
than
    I am to
                                                                                      p  .
                                 
                                                              u

                                          g
                           n
         w a  k   i                                                          

-rae

now that i'm awake,

i can[hear]that the sound is muted.

i've been working at the restaurant virtually all day and i thought it might last forever.

how my feet ached and

how my stomach ached.

    yet,

    in no time

here i am in the dark

in a fresh pair of socks,

and wishing a handsome rich man would take me away so i will never have to work on a holiday again.

where did the past 12 hours go
and why am i left thinking about love, of all things?

you know 

if i could,

i would spend my days in europe    ''__and 

make all my time as surreal as this.

__if only i had the money

-and the drive.

i guess the company of men
like

miles davis and

jonnie w will do.     for now.

wait for me, please.

be looking for me because i'm looking for you;

i know i could make you happy with

my quirks and jokes

that seem spontaneous, but

i'm really just trying to impress you---'

it's just that it feels like an eternity since I've been loved.

The world is moving too fast to afford a missed opportunity like you.

-rae

[_______ ].

i think i've been getting a lot wrong lately; i don't think i could ever be happy should i stop searching for happiness--'--should i believe i've found it. it's the business and the purpose itself that makes me whole. it's never having the answer and spending the rest of my life looking for it. as horrible as this sounds: it's like, the journey that counts, man.

please never let me feel complete.
please never let me feel at rest
     or that i've learned all there is to learn.

let me forever be [wanting]-------'

-rae